Challenges and obstacles in business and in life are inevitable. As female entrepreneurs, we face more than our share. What is one immediate way to start having a more positive and open-minded approach to any challenge you are facing? It is to be aware of how you are talking about the situation to yourself and others.
If there is one single important concept to apply, it would be to use and versus but when you’re talking about the situation. If you have two sentences you want to put together and they’re talking about limitations or what you could do or possibilities, always try to use and instead of but. And is a possibility word. But is a stop word.
I’ll give you an example. “I really want to start investing, but I don’t know how.” That just stops you, right? There’s nowhere to go after that. It’s just sort of yep, you’re right. Okay, I guess that’s it. Whereas “I really want to start investing, and I don’t know how to do it.” That is ripe with possibility.
It immediately gets your brain to start working on your behalf and thinking, “Hmm, I don’t know how to do that yet. But I know Jessica did it. Maybe I can ask her.” Or “I know Kim, she works for an investment company, maybe I can meet with her to discuss it.” You start thinking of ways to overcome what would have been a limitation before. If you use but it’s a limitation whereas and is a stepping stone, it’s a possibility.
Another example, “I really want to be successful in business, but no one in my family has ever done it before.” That statement just has a finality to it. There is no possibility for anything other than “thanks for playing, you’re done.” Versus, “I really want to be successful in business and no one in my family has ever done it before.” Again, that just gets your brain working overtime. What are the possibilities? What can I do to negate that? In that last part of the sentence, what can I do to overcome that limitation?
How many times have y’all been told explicitly or implied that you can’t do something? Isn’t it a really powerful motivator sometimes? As soon as you’re told you can’t or shouldn’t or it won’t work. Something that is trying to keep you where you are instead of changing and moving forward. For me, it is immediately like, Yeah? Watch me!
Right away I want to prove whoever said that wrong and to prove to them that yes, I can. You can’t tell me what to do. My brain immediately starts to work on whatever that problem is, whatever the situation is. The stuff that I have to overcome to make my goal a reality. What they told me I couldn’t do it immediately starts coming to work for me instead of against me.
So especially when you’re using self-talk, always try to use and instead of but. “I really want to save $5,000 and I’ve never saved that much at one time before.” Alright, brain, let’s go to work. What are we going to do about that? You know, first of all, is this something I really want to do? Second of all, if it is how are you going to support me in this effort brain? How are you going to help me conquer the challenge that I have?
We all have amazing brains that are capable of so much more than we understand. Let’s get them working FOR us instead of against us. Leave your buts out of it and focus on the possibilities instead.
